Oh, SHOCK! A Perverted Jutsu!
by Beetchy Bebeh
Summary: Jiraiya has confirmed himself to have mastered the most DEADLY and WILD Jutsu in the Shinobi history! And now he's causing trouble to almost everyone in Konoha! Will he be turning the world into a living hell? ..Read to find out!
1. Jiraiya's New Jutsu

**Here's my 2nd Naruto-based fic: "The Jutsu Of All Jutsus"! Don't kill me if you find this ugly or boring or whatever XD I just hope you all enjoy reading this! HAHA. This chappie takes place when Naruto was still in the process of learning/mastering the Rasengan from Jiraiya.

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Somehwere on the high mountains of Konoha - -

"**FINALLY! AFTER ALL THOSE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS OF TRAINING…I HAVE MASTERED THE MOST POWERFUL, HIDDEN, DESTRUCTIVE, EXPLOSIVE, WILD JUTSU!" **shouted Jiraiya, tears flowing in all directions from his eyes - -

Naruto throws a rock at Jiraiya's head

"Damn it, I CAN'T concentrate!" shouted Naruto, irritated by Jiraiya's shouting and cheering. "I'm gonna show you that I can master the Rasengan within a week's time!"

Naruto molds all his chakra in the rubber ball, trying to make it explode

"ARRRGGGH!" shouted Naruto, gritting his teeth and sweating heavily, as he couldn't get the rubber ball to explode. "**DAMN IT!**" - -

"Say, Naruto! Why don't we cancel today's training and watch me perform the new Jutsu I learned!" suggested Jiraiya, getting all comical and childish

"**WHAT**? But we just started 10 minutes ago!" protested Naruto, dropping the rubber ball on the ground. "Ero-sennins these days! HMPH."

"Oh yes, before I try my _new jutsu_ out…I need a reliable test subject first!" said Jiraiya, looking around the area frantically

"Well…don't look at me! I am NOT going to become another one of your guinea pigs!" said Naruto, giving Jiraiya a disgusted look. "Hmm, why don't you try your new jutsu out on that rabbit over there?"

Naruto points directly at the rabbit

Jiraiya instantly faces the rabbit, forming lots of hand seals…then places his hands on his stomach - -

Suddenly the rabbit's stomach begins to enlarge in the worst way possible - -

Naruto's eyes fell out of their sockets, leaving the _priceless_ look on his face

"GOOD GOD, IT WORKED!" shouted Jiraiya, watching the rabbit trying to move, even when it couldn't

Naruto suddenly snapped back into his senses

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR, ERO-SENNIN!" shouted Naruto, starting to say something nasty

"I have just shown you the most _ultimate_ and _forbidden _jutsu in the Shinobi history, Naruto. It is called the "**PREGNANCY NO JUTSU!" **shouted Jiraiya, crying another ocean of tears. "Your sensei has made himself proud, AGAIN!"

"**NANI?**" shouted Naruto, eyes wide with shock and awe. "Geez, if I hadn't known any better…that Jutsu was made specially for YOU!"

"This Jutsu is said to surpass the powers of Kage-leveled Jutsus!" said chibified Jiraiya. "And I have been blessed with the knowledge and endurance to learn it!"

"**WHAT? **THAT kind of Jutsu will never, ever be stronger than Kage-leveled ones!" argued Naruto, turning his eyes into angry slits

"That's what you think, little green-eyed monster!" teased Jiraiya, sticking his tongue out at Naruto. "It'll take you another million years to get past me! BWAHAHA!"

"Why you little…!" said Naruto, starting to get angry. "Actually, I never wanted to learn that Pregnancy no Jutsu! I just tagged along with you so I could further increase my skills!"

"And don't forget, we're supposed to find Tsunade, one of the legendary sannin that was appointed to become Konohagakure's 5th Hokage!" said Jiraiya, delivering one of his long and boring speeches

"I got it, I got it!" said Naruto, rolling his eyes sarcastically as he followed Jiraiya down the dusty road - -

Surprisingly, at Orochimaru's hideout in the middle of no where….

"AAACK! These arms are starting to kill me!" shouted Orochimaru, wincing in pain. "Kabuto! When will the new vessel finally accept my offer?"

"P-please calm down, Orochimaru-sama! I'm pretty sure that the vessel will accept the offer in no time!" said Kabuto, giving Orochimaru a sincere smile

"Well, I hope so! Because I am getting SO IMPATIENT and ANNOYED at these filthy pink bandages wrapped around my arms!" said Orochimaru, giving a disgusted look at his cursed arms

"O-orochimaru-sama, do you need anything?" said Kabuto, trying to divert Orochimaru

"No. If that vessel won't come to me, then this leaves me no choice!" said Orochimaru, getting up from his seat. "Kabuto, we're going to find him!"

"Err, of course Orochimaru-sama!" said Kabuto. _Man, doesn't he ever take a break from ranting too much about the new vessel!_

Orochimaru and Kabuto leaves the hideout - -

At a gambling house, somewhere out of Konohagakure

-**BOOM!- **the sliding door of the gambling house, busts open

The gamblers were startled, then looked at the figures standing in front of the room

"Alright guys…I want you to change these bucks into gambling chips!" ordered the figure. It seemed to have a female voice

"Well, well! Look who's here!" said the owner of the gambling house.

"THE LEGENDARY SUCKER, TSUNADE!" said the rest of the people who were gambling in the house

Everybody else laughed and snickered at the sight of Tsunade, her apprentice, Shizune, and her pet pig: Tonton - -

Tsunade opens her suitcase that was filled with JABILLIONS of yen, and showed it to the owner of the gambling house

"Uhmm, Tsunade-sama…I think we'd better run away before we get caught in THIS plan of yours…!" said Shizune, sounding shaky

"Oh yeah! Let's **run**!" said Tsunade, running away with Shizune and Tonton - -

The gamblers were all left dumbfounded - -

-**BOOM!-**

Tsunade's suitcase happened to be loaded with JABILLIONS of fake yen-bombs XD - -

Surprisingly, even from where Naruto and Jiraiya are, they could see the house blow up to bits - -

"My, my! It seems like we've found Tsunade!" said Jiraiya with a grin on his face. "She's up to no good again!" - -

Suddenly, Tsunade, Shizune and Tonton bumped into Jiraiya - -

"Uh-oh…we're caught! This is it, oh cruel world! WHY, WHY MUST I BE INDULGED IN TSUNADE-SAMA'S PLANS!" wailed Shizune, tears flowing from her eyes like a broken faucet

"OMG, it's you..**JIRAIYA**." said Tsunade sarcastically. "I knew you'd be out to hunt me again! Now spit up!"

"HU-WHAT in the world gave you THAT idea!" said Jiraiya, brushing dust off his sleeve. "Me and my apprentice came all the way here..just to inform you that you've been appointed as the **GODAIME HOKAGE**!"

"….WHAT! Seriously?" said Tsunade, not believing in what Jiraiya said

"Oh well…now that you've said _YES_…I MUST show you my **NEW AND ULTIMATE JUTSU**!" said the proud Jiraiya - -

"WHA?" said Tsunade and Shizune, with Ki's on their foreheads

Before anyone could say anything….

Jiraiya once again…formed lots of hand seals, and placed his hands that were flaring up with loads of chakra, on his stomach - -

Suddenly, Shizune began to be engulfed by a huge, white light - -

"**AAAAH!**" shouted Shizune, in horror

"Geez, he's done it AGAIN!" said Naruto, slapping his forehead - -

The white light disappears, revealing something very HORRIFYING

"ACK, DAMN YOU JIRAIYA!" shouted Shizune, you got me **PREGNANT**!"

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**Whee, cliffhanger! OMG, how will Jiraiya reverse the cursed spell in his NEW and ULTIMATE Jutsu, on Shizune! Do you think that he'll be getting more people..PREGNANT! Read and review, please! THANKS:3**


	2. Help The Poor Snake!

**Okay, I'm back with the 2nd chappie of "Oh, SHOCK! A Perverted Jutsu!". Some Jutsus here are made-up, so please bear XD. Sorry guys, it seems that "The Real Itachi" will be on hiatus…but do tell your friends to read my fics! Thanks all! YAY.

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"**OMG, I AM SOOO GOING TO KILL YOU, JIRAIYA!**" shouted Shizune, as she gaped at her enlarged stomach

"Now WHAT kind of a Jutsu, have you just mastered..Jiraiya?" said the shocked Tsunade with eyes as big as tennis balls

"It is called…the **PREGNANCY NO JUTSU**!" said Jiraiya, filled with pride. "And I believe this Jutsu shall beat all the Kage-leveled ones!"

"Stop messing around, Ero-sennin!" shouted Naruto, enraged. "I thought we went on a journey to find Tsunade…not to get her apprentice PREGNANT!"

"Dear me! What's this little mutt doing, following you all the way out here?" said Tsunade with a sheepish grin on her face. "DON'T tell me you've ADOPTED him!" - -

As Jiraiya and Tsunade were getting into a confersation, Shizune panicks and paces back and forth wildly in the background - -

"GASP, don't you dare IGNORE ME!" shouted Shizune with a chibi clenched fist. "I'm not ready to be pregnant yet!"

"Hmmm…I wonder how that Ero-sennin can reverse this Jutsu? If you ask me..it's kinda related to a Genjutsu type!" said Naruto, talking to himself - -

"No, no, no, no! Y-you've got it all wrong, Tsunade!" said Jiraiya with a lot of sweatdrops on his head. "He'll be training under ME, the great JIRAIYA!"

"Well, whatver. Judging from the looks of this situation…you'd better de-pregnate Shizune!" said Tsunade sarcastically. "Her family's gonna kill you once they've found out that a SUPER PERVERT, like you, impregnated her!"

"That is absurd, Tsunade! Of course I know how to reverse it! I _did_ master _every bit_ of this Jutsu, anyway!" said Jiraiya. "Now let me show you twits how it's done!"

Jiraiya takes out a scroll from his weapons bag, opens it, places it on the ground, and performs hand seals over it - -

Shizune suddenly faints - -

"Crap, now you've _killed_ a _pregnant woman_!" shouted Tsunade, with a 3-foot jaw drop

"THAT'S IT! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" shouted Naruto, finally reaching the peek of his nerves. "You're such an ungrateful Ero-sennin!" - -

Suddenly, the Kyuubi's powerful chakra starts to engulf Naruto - -

"**TAIJUU KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU**!" shouted the enraged Naruto, as millions of shadow replicated Naruto's started to appear

"**AAACK**!" shouted Jiraiya, running away from the massive Naruto-Bunshin Tsunami

"Oh boy…this is gonna be one HELL-OF-A-DAY." Said Tsunade, sweatdropping - -

Not far from where Jiraiya, Naruto and Tsunade are….

"I sense a very powerful chakra, Kabuto..!" said Orochimaru with an evil smile across his face. "We are nearing the Kyuubi!"

"This must be your lucky day, Orochimaru-sama!" said Kabuto. "Please, let me do the honors!" - -

Kabuto performs a series of hand seals, then punches the ground with force

"Break-the-ground no Jutsu!" shouted Kabuto, as the ground suddenly gets distorted into giant, jagged pieces - -

The rock and ground distortion Jutsu manages to reach Jiraiya, Naruto and Tsunade - -

"Whoa, who the hell did this!" said the startled Tsunade, dodging the jagged rocks which are still in the process of distorting - -

"AAACCK, first I'm being chased by Naruto's…then THIS happends…NOW WHAT!" shouted Jiraiya, running for his life

"Come back here, you!" shouted Naruto, chasing Jiraiya like there was no tomorrow - -

Orochimaru and Kabuto suddenly land in front of Jiraiya and the massive Naruto-bunshin army - -

"GASP! You, OROCHIMARU!" shouted Jiraiya, stopping in his tracks along with the Naruto-bunshin army - -

"It's….that snake-guy!" said Naruto

"Why, yes of course! And I'm here to annihilate all of you! MWAHAHA!" shouted Orochimaru. "And that Kyuubi shall be MINE!"

Orochimaru points at Naruto with an evil grin on his face - -

"Grrr, damn you!" shouted Naruto, now charging at Orochimaru with his Kage Bunshin army - -

"Kabuto! Summon, if you please!" said Orochimaru

"Right away, Orochimaru-sama!" said Kabuto, biting his thumb, then forming hand seals, then places the hand with the bleeding thumb on the ground. "**KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU**!" - -

Mando, the giant, purple snake appears from under the ground, carrying Orochimaru and Kabuto on his head - -

"Great….just great..! Of all the people…why do **they** have to appear!" said Tsunade, slapping her forehead. "This is what I had in mind!" - -

"Naruto! Stop your pursue on Orochimaru, and let me handle this!" shouted Jiraiya. "You're no match for a snake look-a-like, like him!"

"WHAT! HELL NO!" shouted Naruto, still charging at Orochimaru. "I WON'T LET YOU DO THAT JUTSU ANYMORE!"

"HAH! Too late, Naruto!" shouted Jiraiya, finishing the procedures of the Jutsu, then placing his chakra-flled hands on his stomach. "**PREGNANCY NO JUTSU**!" - -

"CRAP, HE'S DONE IT **AGAIN**!**" **shouted Tsunade. "That's it, I'M OUT OF HERE!"

Tsunade, carries Shizune and Tonton, then runs away - -

A white light engulfs Orochimaru - -

"OMG, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!" shouted Orochimaru, feeling his stomach grow abnormally. "OH FUCK!"

"OROCHIMARU-SAMA!" shouted Kabuto, as Mando disappeared - -

"This CAN'T BE! I am supposed to be the ONLY ONE to master this Jutsus…but stupid Jiraiya has beaten me to it!" shouted Orochimaru, as the white light disappears…revealing him in a very worse state of pregnancy - -

"Orochimaru-sama….please, I'll have to be honest with you…because….i'm not going to look after a PREGNANT MAN." Confessed Kabuto. "There are going to be a LOT of rumors that will be spreading across Konoha…or the other countries!"

"Noooo! shouted Orochimaru, trying to move his legs, but couldn't. "CURSE THE AUTHOR…AND JIRAIYA!"

"Damn it, Jiraiya! Stop getting the whole Shinobi population pregnant!" shouted Naruto, making a comical face. "You'll HAVE to find a cure for this too!"

"WHAT? Actually, I just lied to Tsunade that THERE was acure! I don't even know if this Jutsus has a reverse spell or not!" admitted Jiraiya, sweatdropping. "HELP ME, NARUTO!"

"Whatever! I ain't helping an Ero-sennin!" said Naruto, refusing Jiraiya's plea

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**Cliffhanger again! OMG, I wonder if Naruto will reconsider into helping Jiraiya find the reverse Jutsu for the Pregnancy no Jutsu? HAHAHA, poor Orochimaru! I wonder if he can still move! YAY! Read and review, please! THANKS MUCH!**


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